Uhg.

I am such a- is there even a word to describe what I am? I wear my heart on my sleeve, to be bumped and bruised, but not for anyone else to see; no, no one is allowed to see my true feelings. I'm a coward, so afraid of everything. A doubter, so ready to assume the worst of people; not that their intentions are evil, but that they don't care, are just entertaining me, don't mean anything they say, because it's so easy to say things you don't mean. I'm so full of hope it's hopeless. I always hope the best of people, even after I doubt, I hold onto hope for dear life, until it's certain they're not my friend. I'm so gracious I allow others to hurt me over and over, excusing their behavior for immaturity, hidden suffering, loneliness. I let people in when I shouldn't. I guess there really is no way to love without allowing others the ability to harm you. The only consolation I have is in Christ, that no matter how emotionally beat up or broken I get, Jesus loves me, and proved it by living in poverty, in ridicule, in hardship, just to die, so I didn't have to, and on top of all that, pouring his grace and blessings over me, pushed down, shaken, and overflowing into my lap. It doesn't matter who hurts me or how, when I have Jesus, I am made complete; it doesn't matter what they take from me, confidence, security, freedom, once I have Christ I am complete, and nothing could remove that wholeness from me.