Watered Down Gospel

"But God loves me, He knows my heart." Let's say there are two types of love; affection and action. God has affection for us, but it's His action that saves us. We may have affection for God, but it's our action of accepting His action that makes us saved. I'm not saying our action saves us. I'm saying God gave you His life and His heart, all He wants in return is your life, and your heart. Now giving God your life is giving Him control of all your days, your time. Giving God your heart is giving Him control of your wants and desires. If you only feel affection for God, but have no action, you don't truly love Him, because the actions and words speak from the heart. I don't mean to say that everything you do for God has to work out perfectly, again, it's the heart that counts. If you were trying to show action to Him, and still failed, He see's the heart and your longing to love Him through action. But if you only say you have affection and feel affection, but have no action to prove it, God see's that by your heart, you love yourself more than Him. We're not to judge whether someone loves God or not though. But there are also two different types of judgment. I'll get into that later.

When we were sinners, He loved us, but we grieved Him with our sin. To continue loving us, He put forth action, which bloomed affection even more. People say in the church, don't get burned out serving, take some times to sit at His feet. Although a healthy balance is needed, I find when you put forth the action, your heart will follow. When you choose to love with action, you begin to feel affection, and when you feel affection, you begin to want to put forth action. When you give God your heart and your life, you have no more say in it. You can ask, in fact He wants you to ask for things, but you've given over control now. You have told Him you will love Him, and obey Him. These two go hand in hand. If you love your parent's, you'll obey them, and you obey them, your loving them. To love someone, is to sacrifice and or suffer for them. That's the only way to prove it. The only way to prove love is by showing that you care for them more than yourself and the only way to prove that is by helping them prosper, even at your own discomfort or suffering. If you're not proving or at least trying to prove your love, than your heart is speaking the opposite of your words.

God never said this life would be fun, fair, comfortable, or pleasurable. God suffered for you, so you wouldn't have to suffer for eternity, but He said in this life there will be tribulation [but be of good cheer He has overcome the world.] He did say that everything He teaches us and wants us to live by, He gives for our joy. He wants us to be joyful even in tribulation by all the wisdom He offers and He says that our tribulations are to prosper us in Him, bringing us closer to Him, making us stronger in Him. American Christians need's some serious persecution and suffering right now. We've bought into the lie that life should be easy and full of what we want. That death is unfair, that life should be fair. That life should be full of things that make us feel good and our time should be full of fun and entertainment. That if we hurt, if we don't feel good, something is wrong. The Gospel is watered down here and I'm tired of it. I can see how America is crumbling, and I can see God working. I know there will be a rough way ahead, but it will bring us all closer to God. We're not to have the Kingdom of God on earth, that's for Heaven, and Satan is the god of this world right now, he would never allow it.

The Beautiful Surrender

Song I wrote.

I'm so tired of fighting,

I have no fight left,

So tired of running,

And so out of breath,

Been holding my ground,

And forgetting to breathe,

Just to act like I'm fine,

So that nobody sees,

I wrestle with You,

And You wrestle with me,

I'm beginning to think,

That You let me believe,

I stood even a chance,

Against You and Your hand,

Your thumb touches my hip,

And I can't even stand,

So I fall to my knees,

I surrender I surrender,

I give up all my power,

If I had any at all,

I crumble at Your feet,

This is total abandon,

I will trust I'll believe,

I give up all control,

And I lay in a heap,

Slowly catching my breath,

I give up this fight,

All You ask, I accept,

I surrender I surrender,

I give up,

I spent so many years,

Fighting for my own way,

With nothing to show,

But a trail of dismay,

Been striving and fighting,

I'm beginning to see,

I'm not made of titanium,

My muscles grow weak,

I wrestle with You,

And You wrestle with me,

I'm beginning to think,

That You let me believe,

I stood even a chance,

Against You and Your hand,

Your thumb touches my hip,

And I can't even stand,

So I fall to my knees,

I surrender I surrender,

I give up all my power,

If I had any at all,

I crumble at Your feet,

This is total abandon,

I will trust I'll believe,

I give up all control,

And I lay in a heap,

Slowly catching my breath,

I give up this fight,

All You ask, I accept,

I surrender I surrender,

But You gather me near,

Wipe my frustrated tears,

And show me love which I have never known,

I don't know why I'd ever try,

To fight this fight,

On my own,

And You ask me,

"Isn't it hard kicking,

Against the goad,"

So I fall to my knees,

This is beautiful surrender,

I give up all my power,

If I had any at all,

I crumble at Your feet,

This is total abandon,

I will trust I'll believe,

I give up all control,

And I lay in a heap,

Slowly catching my breath,

I give up this fight,

All You ask, I accept,

For You gave me Your life,

As a sacrifice,

For all of the wrong,

I have done with my life,

And I let go of everything,

I thought I knew,

To surrender my everything,

To You,

I surrender,

I surrender,

If Anyone Loves You

People think thoughtfulness proves love. That tenderness or sweet words prove love. That's silly, thoughtfulness can be faked just as easily as kind words and "I love you"s. Love is proven through sacrifice; through suffering. You can say whatever you want and not mean it. You can even be thoughtful toward your enemy and still hate them in your heart. Suffering, and suffering long, is the only way to prove love. After all, why else would you 'chose' to suffer for someone, unless you loved them? You suffer through their failings, the times when they hurt you on purpose, their own thoughtlessness and selfishness, taking the consequences of their mistakes on yourself. That's how you know someone love's you. Now go look at everyone you know, who loves you? Your parents for one, and ultimately God. Look at what He's done for you. Suffered for you when He knew you would sin and become His enemy, was forsaken and separated from the Father even though you won't separate yourself from the world to be loved by Him who loves you perfectly. He abandoned His splendor, His throne, His perfection, to come to dirt, and poverty, to become your sins. He sacrificed His life so you could have Heaven, perfection, eternal life, true love, wholeness, holiness, even when He knew all the times you would fail Him, over and over again. If anyone loves you, it's God.

Trial's With Bugs

On Wednesday night, we had a guest guitarist play and sing for us. It was beautiful, and the Holy Spirit anointed the whole church. I was literally in the Presence of God, at the foot of His throne, worshiping at His feet. 

And then flies started accosting me [lol accost]. I found out later, the flies were actually bugging a lot more people during worship than just me. But I had my hands up, my eyes closed, and a fly lands on my hand, I shake it off, and it lands on my face, they keep doing this back and forth. Now I'm getting worried, that one is going to land in my mouth, or get sucked in while I'm singing. 

I hate bugs, any and all, from lady bugs and butterflies, to flies and spiders. I just can't stand them. They seem to constantly be coming between me and God, lol, strange to say, but I see a pattern here. I HATE bugs, and the Enemy knows this, so he see's fit to use them to make me back down. To bring up just one occasion, I was going to be singing worship with my brother, on a Wednesday night, and while we're practicing a bee, take note, a bee, at night, comes flying out of nowhere and then goes into the vent above us. At that moment I began fasting and praying. Lol, but seriously, I was fervently BEGGING God to keep that bee away from me! And having the knowledge that it's there causes the Enemy to win anyway, because now, there is no way I can fully give myself over to the worship. I know once I do, the next step of the test will commence, seeing if I can stay in the Presence of God while the bee crawls around on my hands and face.

Maybe it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but seriously, it's not that unlikely! It didn't come out during worship but it came back out during announcement and landed on the assistant pastor's face!

So the fly is bugging me, and I just wanna open my eyes, let my hands drop, and swoosh it away. I crack my eyes open and a thought occurs to me; I know it was the Holy Spirit ministering to me. You know in these times, one can say, well, God wouldn't fault you for putting your hands down. No He wouldn't or would He? In doing that, in a small way, I'm putting my own comfort before Him. He wouldn't be angry with me, let's say, this isn't a matter of pleasing God to gain salvation, but pleasing God because He's given me salvation and I love Him. Even if He didn't, He would still deserve the praise and more than I could ever give Him. The fact is I love Him, and I want to be nearer to Him, I want Him, all of Him, I want to be consumed by Him. And in this small trial, of being pestered by a fly, I have two choices; one, give in, put my hands down, and in turn fail the test and hopefully get closer to God another day, or two, endure through all suffering, big and small, significant and insignificant, for my Savior, Jesus Christ, my God, my Lord and in the end become even closer to Him, learning to depend on Him in all things. This view changing thought that came to my mind was in a way, an audible thought, and also, a wordless revelation, "There are people who remain praising His name while their finger nails are pried off their fingers, and I would put my hands down for a few flies?"

At first glance, you would say, putting my hands down was insignificant, but it's the premise, it's the principal. It's the deeper meaning, and the test of being faithful in the small things, as well as the big. I only pass through trials because of Jesus Christ's strength and endurance in me, I pray to be this successful in tribulations to come.

The Old Self Is Dead

Thank God for encouraging me.

Christ died for more than this, don't waste your life. Many will say "Lord, Lord" and He will say "I never knew you." 

Romans 6:1-7 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

Criminal.

I, lol, isn't it funny how we all have one or two sins we really don't believe are sins? When I say funny I am laughing cynically to myself; this sucks. I am so perturbed right now. 

I backed up all my files, and when I reformatted my computer I lost a ton of pictures, important pictures, like my friends Engagement photos, my brother's Engagement photos, but my Mexico mission trip photo's. 

I also lost a ton of music. Music I downloaded off youtube, illegally. I was SO upset; still SO P-ERTURBED 

Maybe it's because this is the second time I've lost so many pictures to a freak accident.

Maybe it's because I really love the music I lost.

Maybe it's because it took me all day to download all that music.

Maybe it's because now I have to find a new youtube downloader.

Maybe it's because this music is a type of "comfort food" dare I say "porn" kind of idol to me. [Maybe that's why God deleted it.]

I don't know why it makes me so mad that it's gone.

So mad I just dowloaded youtube downloader.

Now granted I have a conscience, thank God.

I couldn't even bring myself to download one song with it.

I began wondering to myself,

"WHY doesn't this bother me?!"

At least I'm bothered by sin,

I just can't bring myself to see this as sinning!

I know it is,

There's no excuse for stealing,

Just know the music cost's $50 an album, and I don't even want every song!

The songs I do want aren't on itunes XP

I want to disregard this and do what I want, SO BADLY,

But I can't.

I'm mad at myself,

Or at least,

My flesh is furious with my spirit,

And my spirit is annoyed with my flesh.

I feel so terribly TORN and angry.

I asked myself why I didn't think it was wrong.

My flesh answered, because it's so easy,

If it were against the law, 

It wouldn't be that easy.

In fact it's so easy I should just do it anyway because the people who made it illegal should try harder if they want to stop me.

They have enough money anyways.

Those are all the excuses my flesh gives me.

My spirit comes back with,

No, you know in the past, sinning is always easy.

I was always surprised by how easy it would be to get away with something.

Stealing,

Smoking,

Killing,

Even I could get away with it,

I would sit and concoct elaborate plans of how I could get away with the crime.

I never went through with it,

Once again, thank God for my conscience and fear of getting caught.

Which happened EVERYTIME I tried to get away with something anyway.

SO my sin,

The one I have a hard time accepting as sin in my heart,

I have all the knowledge of why it's a sin,

Is downloading free music.

It's all gone now though XP

Sigh, and I don't have the heart to download anymore :C

I'll miss you Vitas............

Brighter In The Dark

Sometimes I think God is just going to let this country fall. That would really get our attention. Even if we all turned back to God and He restored America, the process of slowly losing faith would begin again, because we are human. There's something about freedom and luxury that makes you forget God and live for yourself. We'd be better off 'spiritually' if we were in bondage, and isn't our spiritual health, more important than our physical? There's something about slavery and persecution that leads us to God. 

Romans 5:20 "Moreover the law entered, that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound,"



Not long after Christianity spread through Asia, the horrific persecution began. The thing I'm looking 
at is America's history, in that we've always gone though this cycle of a few generations of strong devotion 
to God, and then a few generations of falling away and then a revival. I'm discouraged that even if we have 
another revival, we'll just fall away again, but maybe we should pray that this time, we have steadfast spirits, repenting hearts, and discernment. 

I also think America would be greatly blessed by foreign missionaries. 

Mark 6:4 But Jesus said, “Prophets are honored by everyone, except the people of their hometown and their relatives and their own family.”