Trial's With Bugs

On Wednesday night, we had a guest guitarist play and sing for us. It was beautiful, and the Holy Spirit anointed the whole church. I was literally in the Presence of God, at the foot of His throne, worshiping at His feet. 

And then flies started accosting me [lol accost]. I found out later, the flies were actually bugging a lot more people during worship than just me. But I had my hands up, my eyes closed, and a fly lands on my hand, I shake it off, and it lands on my face, they keep doing this back and forth. Now I'm getting worried, that one is going to land in my mouth, or get sucked in while I'm singing. 

I hate bugs, any and all, from lady bugs and butterflies, to flies and spiders. I just can't stand them. They seem to constantly be coming between me and God, lol, strange to say, but I see a pattern here. I HATE bugs, and the Enemy knows this, so he see's fit to use them to make me back down. To bring up just one occasion, I was going to be singing worship with my brother, on a Wednesday night, and while we're practicing a bee, take note, a bee, at night, comes flying out of nowhere and then goes into the vent above us. At that moment I began fasting and praying. Lol, but seriously, I was fervently BEGGING God to keep that bee away from me! And having the knowledge that it's there causes the Enemy to win anyway, because now, there is no way I can fully give myself over to the worship. I know once I do, the next step of the test will commence, seeing if I can stay in the Presence of God while the bee crawls around on my hands and face.

Maybe it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but seriously, it's not that unlikely! It didn't come out during worship but it came back out during announcement and landed on the assistant pastor's face!

So the fly is bugging me, and I just wanna open my eyes, let my hands drop, and swoosh it away. I crack my eyes open and a thought occurs to me; I know it was the Holy Spirit ministering to me. You know in these times, one can say, well, God wouldn't fault you for putting your hands down. No He wouldn't or would He? In doing that, in a small way, I'm putting my own comfort before Him. He wouldn't be angry with me, let's say, this isn't a matter of pleasing God to gain salvation, but pleasing God because He's given me salvation and I love Him. Even if He didn't, He would still deserve the praise and more than I could ever give Him. The fact is I love Him, and I want to be nearer to Him, I want Him, all of Him, I want to be consumed by Him. And in this small trial, of being pestered by a fly, I have two choices; one, give in, put my hands down, and in turn fail the test and hopefully get closer to God another day, or two, endure through all suffering, big and small, significant and insignificant, for my Savior, Jesus Christ, my God, my Lord and in the end become even closer to Him, learning to depend on Him in all things. This view changing thought that came to my mind was in a way, an audible thought, and also, a wordless revelation, "There are people who remain praising His name while their finger nails are pried off their fingers, and I would put my hands down for a few flies?"

At first glance, you would say, putting my hands down was insignificant, but it's the premise, it's the principal. It's the deeper meaning, and the test of being faithful in the small things, as well as the big. I only pass through trials because of Jesus Christ's strength and endurance in me, I pray to be this successful in tribulations to come.